Confidential Letter to signor Moratti

Just writing to check in, some fifteen months after you fired Roberto Mancini and hired The Special One to do what the former couldn't; taking Inter places in Europe. (Technically, I guess Mourinho is taking Inter places in Europe, but...)

I realized last night, as I saw the final result of Inter 2-2 Dinamo Kiev, that you might be somewhat uncharacteristically edgy after this, which means you're spending 18 million euro a year for the services of The Special One. I don't believe I'm bold in pointing out that so far that has produced a rather disappointing return. I tried to calculate - rather crudely, I admit, but just for fun - how much the two solitary wins in the tournament (against Panathinaikos and something called Anorthosis), out of the eleven played, has cost you, but my computer froze; I'm unsure it can handle that many zeros all at once.

Of course, you don't need me to remind you that those 18 million you pay out in wages to The Special One doesn't include the eight figures you're still paying Mancini for the remainder of his contract.

Nothing but love,
Oscar.